There was a party today. An adoption celebration.
And he was there.
A little boy, I saw him. He was screaming at his father.
This wasn’t the first time. It had happened all afternoon.
Over cake, over candy, over shoving and pushing and being too rough…
The other parents there let it go. There were sympathetic head bobs and small smiles, but no offers to help, no sage advice. And the hostess – celebrating her own son’s adoption – looked at this father-son-mess and understood.
That’s how I knew; he was adopted too.
And this very public display – this working things out in the middle of the park – was the best help the other parents could give – space.
I followed suite, ignoring the two as incident after incident, the dad gathered the boy to himself, soothed, corrected, and held him accountable for his choices.
Until the little boy’s mom arrived.
I happened to be eating cake when she gathered the child into her lap and rocked him.
“I heard you were being very mean to your daddy. He’s a good daddy. He loves you and takes care of you. Why were you being so mean to your daddy?”
“Because I don’t want him! I want a new mommy!”
“Honey, you don’t get to pick a new mommy or a new daddy. You are adopted, so I will be your new mommy forever and ever and daddy will be your new daddy forever and ever.”
Confusion and fear replaced anger on her son’s face.
“But there are lots of mommies here.”
“Yes, but they aren’t your mommy. Do you see all the kids?” And the little boy nodded. “Do you see Carl? Carl needs a mommy too. That’s Carl’s mommy over there but that’s not your mommy. And see Rachel? She needs a mommy too. There is Rachel’s mommy, but that’s not your mommy.”
I watched as the boy relaxed into her arms.
“I am your mommy and daddy is your daddy and we will be your mommy and your daddy forever and ever, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Now, let’s go tell your daddy you’re sorry for being mean to him. And guess what? He loves you so, so much he will give you a big hug and forgive you. In fact, he has already forgiven you.”
The little boy ran off to find his father and bulldozed into him. I watched the dad regained his balance and look down to find his son holding onto him. Bending down on one knee, the dad held the child’s hands, looked into his eyes and listened to him. The mother was right, the little boy’s father gave him a great big hug and all was forgiven. When the father stood up, his wife had caught up to their son. Leaning into her husband, she explained what had happened.
He was mad at you. I didn’t do a good job of explaining it to him this morning. He thought you had brought him here to find a new mommy because this is an adoption party. It didn’t help that I had to come late.
Surprise wrote itself across the dad’s face. Grief slumped his shoulders.
The parents leaned into each other, interlacing fingers behind their backs. I figured it wasn’t the first time they’d been surprised by adoption’s effects, nor would it be the last.
Because they knew what their son hadn’t realized yet, adoption is forever and ever and ever.
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You do such a good job helping me understand…well, everything about adoption. Thank you.
You are welcome! Thanks for the encouragement.