I found myself on the other end of an outside-the-classroom-hallway-conversation about my child. You know, the one where you get called down to your kiddo’s classroom – that one. This time, we were at church and it was a much needed conversation with our pastor.
While potentially helpful, it was wayyyy too short to give the full picture of what my kiddo actually needed and why. Like all hallway conversations there was the element of “how much do I say?”. I only want to share what’s needed to help my child and no more, because, after all, this is his life and not mine. But, his needs are real…and complicated…so it’s easy for me to say too much in an attempt to drive home the importance of those needs.
But this rarely works.
Those hallway conversations are meant to pinpoint one specific issue and more background info just leads to more questions and more scrutiny. It doesn’t usually help. The setting isn’t right. The complexity of the issues sidetrack the original conversation and yet, more is needed.
My child needs support systems. He needs an understanding community to gather around him and be there to help. He needs others to have a better understanding of how trauma effects actions, attitudes and, in our case, a better understanding of FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder).
I went home that day wondering how I would ever explain all of this without compromising my child’s privacy. And that’s when I found this book. The moment I finished it I wrote this letter to my pastor.
Dear Pastor,
Thank you for talking to me on Sunday. I’m not sure how to start this letter because I desperately need to be heard, but I realize you are inundated by needs, projects and the like.
This book is the best way I have to show you what my children are like and what our home is like. Our children are young and it’s manageable now, but we are quickly headed this way and we know it. The thing is, we freely do it anyway because fostered or adopted doesn’t matter; they are our children and we love them.
And, we don’t ask for help because we know that apart from the other families that live this day-in and day-out there isn’t help to be had. So, we support each other and are there for each other. So, please know that on the rare occasion I do come to you with a need THIS is where I’m coming from.
THIS is our story and most of us who are foster and/or adoptive parents need our pastors to understand that to some extent.
Sincerely,
Sarah
p.s. It starts slowly. Please read from beginning to end.
Nervously, I placed the letter on top of “Born Broken” – the book that captures the day-in-and-day-out “stick to me like glue” kind of help my kiddo needs. The book that gives a tiny gimps of the hyper vigilance needed at all moments, the ups and the downs, the sweet times and the sporadic insanity that is our life. The book that those who could be part of our support system really need to read.
I sealed them both in an envelope and, with a little bit of hope for more – more love, more understanding, more acceptance – I sent it on it’s way.
If you would like your own copy of “Born Broken” you can find it on Amazon here.
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(Note: This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)