Our Mama Hearts Archives - Page 2 of 3

An invitation to free and ready favor

10.01.2016 by Sarah //

Favor, free and ready favor.

Grace. Gratia

This is how God looks at us. Always, because of Christ.

This is what I’m missing with my children.

It’s “prepare for battle” the moment I wake up.

I need time, time in the morning to get myself at the foot of the cross. Time to dwell on grace. Time to bask in God’s free and ready favor for me.

THIS

Gives me free and ready favor for my children; even the battle hardened ones.

The ones that fight for control at every turn.

Yes, I must stand firm – I must be the boundaries for them when they push, and push, and push. This gives them security. I’ve already seen it begin to wear away their hardened walls, but, there’s always another battle to be won and I must show up with love in my heart – not steel.

Think about babies.

How do we look at them?

We draw them in, we smile, we coo. We are happy.

This is how God looks at believers because of Christ. We are His beloved baby. We make Him happy – always- because of Jesus. There is never a moment when our sin is bigger than Christ’s sacrifice. He freely and happily brings Himself near, coos happy sounds in our ear, smiles genuine invitation at us and covers us in kisses.

This is the free and ready favor, the grace, I so often miss with my own children.

How does this happen?

Because they’re not innocent little creatures who just want to be held, I tell myself.

But neither are babies. Sometimes babies scream at us, or cry, or swat us away, but still, in those moments, we come to them with warmth and care. We aren’t closed off and hardened. We aren’t numb to who they are as a person just because we’ve picked up anger-thrown cheerios a hundred times before.

It’s this same favor, the free ready-to-give-and-to-love even in the midst of the ugly kind of favor. It’s the genuine desire to draw our child close even when they’ve culpably suited up for battle kind of favor that is grace.

And this is what I need the Holy Spirit to bring to bear in my soul today.

Grace

(Note: The phrase “free and ready favor” was my inspiration for this post. It comes directly from Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts Devotional: Reflections on Finding Everyday Graces)

Free Resource on Attachment

Fostering a secure relationship with your kiddos is oh, so important! Here are 4 elements of a secure attachment and activities to establish it with your children. Put your email address here and “click” so I can send it to you.

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(Note: I created the image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

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When Foster Moms Wake Up Worried

07.01.2016 by Sarah //

Some mornings you hit the alarm, flop back in bed and start the mental preparation for what will most likely be a challenging day.

It’s just the kids and I today, you think. They’re ALL home and the hubby is gone.

You run through the “NORMAL for a foster parent or adoptive parent” list of concerns and how you plan to address them. Some mornings, this is just taking care of business. Some mornings, you’re addressing legitimate obstacles for your day. However, some mornings you’ve already got the tell-tale signs that you’re operating from fear. Those legitimate obstacles have turned into insurmountable mountains before your feet even hit the floor. You know how it goes….

My stamina is going to give out. I’m going to snap at someone. I’m not going to get there to be available right away when there is an issue. When I’m not there right away to help them regulate there will be a melt down. Once they are in melt down it will be that much more time to bring them back to a logical state. If they get to a melt down state they’ve built the neural synapses to that bad habit yet again. Instead of helping them grow past this I’ve made their growing process harder by not being there.

What is the food plan for the day? Are meals and snacks all lined up so that food prep can go smoothly? If it doesn’t go smoothly and my child is freaking out because the food doesn’t appear instantaneously, how do I plan to stop and comfort and help them regulate when stopping to help them regulate delays the very thing they have mistrust over?

I’m already behind on laundry and I just know someone is going to wake up soaked this morning. No one got up to pee last night. I’m thankful. I got more sleep but now there’s one more job to do once they get up.

How am I going to enjoy them today? How am I going to really genuinely be happy to be their mom when they’re screaming at me and hating me? I’m not sure I can do that today. I’ll just power through. But I CAN’T! They will not feel loved if I just power through. I need to love them genuinely and deeply nourish them not just deal with them. God help me do that the way you do that for me so they can see who you are. There’s no way I can selflessly do that on my own.

Mind still running, I make my way to the kitchen and the coffee maker.

YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! We are out of coffee! Grrrr. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN??!! O.K. deep breath. Count to five. Plan ‘B’ Starbucks and then grocery store run first thing today. O.K. God you’ve got this because I don’t.

We’ve got a play date today and it’s at a BAD time of the day for them. I know my kids will be worn out and cranky. They are just going to be mean to the poor children during play time. Why did I do that? Bad decision. Any other day I would just cancel but we’ve had to cancel on this family too many times. [Deep breath] Oh well. Too late now. Lord help me to let it go and love in the midst of chaos this afternoon.

When does my husband plan on getting home tonight because it’s going to be a long day.

That was me this morning. I hear you. I know what it’s like.

So, stop, take a deep breath and pray. Because God’s got this anyway. No matter how the day goes – if everything that could possibly goes wrong, does, He’s still got this and He’s still good.

If you didn’t hear me the first time, go ahead and take that deep breath now. 🙂

Stop running through scenarios.

Pray.

Trust.

Okay. Are we good? Is your head back in the game?

Okay, now you can get back to planning – but only if that planning comes from a place of love for your kids and trust in God’s goodness. If it doesn’t, it won’t genuinely benefit you or your family. If it’s fear based all you’re doing is setting yourself up to fail and live out that which you are afraid of. God’s got this and no matter what the day ends up looking like He is good and so are all His plans.

“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness” Lamentations 3:22-33 (emphasis added)

“The mind of man plans his ways, but the Lord directs his steps.” Proverbs 16:9

Let us know how you’re going to put the kibosh on worry and trust God today. Share in the comments below! I’m sure your story will be exactly what someone needs to hear today.

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(Note: I created the image using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

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The Silent Mother

06.17.2016 by Sarah //

He lays on the sidewalk, head on arms, “resting”.

At least that’s what it looks like to everyone else.

The comments from the passersbys sound like, “He’s tired.” Or, “It’s been a long day.”

The birthday part is small. Everyone is here to see her.

But, she watches bugs or plays with sticks, avoiding the gathering of friends and family.

“She just doesn’t like crowds” they say.

He kicks a ball in the front yard while you get the mail. The neighbors, out for a walk, stop over to chat.

Out of nowhere he screams, fear wild in his eyes, body tense, nerves gone haywire.

“It’s just too much for him” the neighbors uncomfortably attempt but they know they don’t really mean it. They’re not sure what went wrong. So, they reassure themselves with empty comments.

Day in and day out, others see without knowing. That’s by design. It’s on purpose.

They can’t know. They shouldn’t. But you do.

What is Really Going On

The passive sidewalk layer is avoiding a melt-down in the only way he knows how – shutting down.

The one that “just doesn’t like crowds” is actually so very overwhelmed with her own emotions concerning relationships with family and friends that she just can’t sort them all out. Where do her loyalties lie? In mom and dad? The other, more fun people? Who sets her boundaries when all the rules are different for all the people? If she likes one family more why can’t they be her family? Is she really stuck with the one she has? Why? She’s had so many. Why is this one different?

The screamer is ruled by fear. He looks happy on the outside. That’s his defense. But defenses evaporate when he’s caught off guard and his real driving force takes the lead. He screams, terrorized and out of control because that’s how he lives his life, it’s just hidden on the inside.

What do you say when you know you can’t and shouldn’t explain?

Nothing

They want an answer but you just can’t give one.

And it wears you down. It shuts you up. It weighs heavy inside. But it’s good, and true and right, because you’re protecting your child. And one of these days you’ll learn how to be gracious and to draw them in without speaking lies or unveiling your children’s stories, but until then, you sit silently. You tend to your children and pretend you didn’t hear.

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(Note: I created the images using Pic Monkey’s free photo editing website. Check them out here. This post may also contain affiliate links. For more information, read my Disclosure Policy here.)

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